ATC: Fans Gone Wild!
by amethystsea
Summary: A coven of Deadliest Catch fan fiction writers get outed, and come to the attention of Discovey Channel! Summery sucks, just read it!
1. Chapter 1

_**Jeez forgot the intro! So your not gonna pee on yourself, but here's my entry! Wildviolet MADE me do iT! Read and Review! (ducks)**_

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><p><span>Janice &amp; Jimi<span>

Deadliest Catch Executive Producer Tom Beers' Executive Assistant, Janice Laneve looked up from her computer screen at the skinny, twenty something chick, with a green mohawk and multiple painful looking face piercings, who was the webmaster for Deadliest Catch Forum.

'Yah Jimi, what's up.'

Jimi hemmed and hawed. 'Well. . I'm not sure. . you know. . maybe stupid. . .'

"I'm busy here. What's up?' Janice snapped.

Jimi cleared her skinny throat and explained how someone had posted a link to a fan fiction site to the DC forum and how out of curiosity she had checked it out.

'Ah, there's this whole group of chicks writing. . .ahh. . . stories about the Captains and the crews.'

Janet cocked an eyebrow. 'Stories? What kind of stories?'

Jimi actually blushed as she handed her a print out of a 'chapter' from a story by a 'wildviolet', turned and fled.

As Janet read her expression went from mildly curious. . .to an eyes popping, big 'O' mouth. . .to a sputtering, hooting whoop.

'Whoa! Oh shit! An-dee! Ride 'em cowboy!'

She hit the intercom and barked. 'Jimi, get your butt back here!'

The other webmasters for the other Discovery show forums in the crowded tight space looked up with surprise. What was Tom Beers right-hand, aka 'Elvira Mistress of the Dark' doing hollering for Jimi, aka 'Freak Show'for? Jimi was beet red with embarrassment to be the subject of their attention and skulked back out, head down. She was the new girl and for all her attention seeking affectations, was shy and socially awkward. Real awkward. The quintessential introverted computer geek.

When Jimi returned, Janet was fanning herself with the print out, lips parted and breathing shallow.

'Is there more like this?'

Jimi was now so red, her face and hair were clashing, and she looked like a piñata.

'Janet.' She gulped. 'There's hundreds of these stories.'

Janet was enjoying just seeing her squirm. She had been right! It was always the most radical looking ones that were closet virgins. But she quickly got back to business.

'You just got a new assignment and promotion chick-a-dee.'

Jimi blushed even darker yet brightened. 'Really?'

Janet smiled sweetly as she clutched the print out to her breast.

'Oh yes Jimi, you know how much I love initiative, and you showed it big time by bringing me this to my attention.'

She beckoned her closer until she was close enough to grab Jimi by the front of her geeky oversized 'It Must Be User Error' tee.

'Now here's your first assignment, by 5 p.m. tomorrow, I want an e-mail with, oh let's say ten of the 'best of' of these . . .ahem. . . authors on that site. With a summary of how they 'see' their cast member's personalities, physical attributes, and peccadillo's.'

Jimi went so pale, she now looked like a white stalked asparagus spear. 'Physical attributes? Everybody knows what they look like? What do you mean by P-p-eccaidillos?

Janice were narrow as they bored into Jimi's. 'Physical attributes. . .how big they dicks. How they describe their bodies. Peccadilloes? 'How. They. Fuck. If they like it rough, slow and sensual, orgies, young girls, dress-up, anal, whatever. The freaky shit these broads write about.

Jimi mouth got dryer and dryer as Janice continued. 'And when I say 'best', I mean bitches who write like this 'wildviolet'.'

She let her go, and sat back with a big smile. 'That freaky bitch got talent!'

Jimi

She had begged Janice to allow her to do her 'research' from home, and with an eye roll, she had agreed. She had almost fainted with relief. The Discovery webmaster department was one crowded big room, and she would have been mortified if any of her co-workers saw what was on her screen from that fan fiction site. She was no prude, just inexperienced. O.K she was a virgin, and some of the stuff she had read opened up vistas of sexual techniques and experience that had blown her mind. The chapter in 'The Girl Who Got Away' where Sioux and Johnathan got it on for the first time was most instructive. She sighed. If she had a boyfriend he would have had his world rocked this very night.

As she sat propped in bed with her laptop on a pillow, she drank Diet Coke and read story after story. Good Lord! Where did these women get this stuff from? Some of the stories had well developed storylines and complex characterization. Some stories and scenes had her snorting Diet Coke up her nose with shock and laughter. Others used thin storylines to get to the main event of each chapter which they all called 'smut'. Oh it was smut alright, and very well done smut it was! After reading a few different authors, she found herself grinning every time she saw a 'SMUT ALERT' in the author's introduction to the chapter. Damn! She was starting to warm up to her new assignment!

The authors and others on the site reviewed the stories and these reviews were often hysterical. As she read into the night, early and late morning, she had an appreciation and affection for the authors and their works, but the affection made her sorry she didn't have girlfriends like them. What the hell, she thought and joined the site as 'greenminnow' and started leaving reviews. To her surprise her e-mail began to chirp with thanks and welcomes from the authors! And they were really cool!

She felt in some weird way these chicks _knew _their Captains and deckhands. Although she didn't know any of the cast personally, she had seen and been introduced to most of the Captains when they made their last visit to the Discovery offices in New York, and could well imagine their personalities matched many of the stories. The Captains were waaay older than her and she had never seen them 'in that way' but she could now! After a brief nap, she polished up her author list and summaries and sent her e-mail to Janice at 5 p.m. exactly and finally grabbed some sleep.

IrishCaptain & The Gurls 

Earlier that day at the office while doing her usual tweeting with the Fan Fiction gurls, updating her blog, writing some on a story update, and checking out the many sites she had favorite-ed. She saw on the Discovery forum a post that caused her to choke on her fourth cup of coffee of the morning.

'What the fuck?' She sputtered.

Some rat-bastard had posted the fanfiction forum link were she posted DC 'spoilers' No comment just the link! Then some other ass-wipe had posted that her posts were to, be taken with 'a grain of salt'.

'Fuck me sideways! She muttered as she ran to Twitter and tweeted the crisis. She was furiously unlinking all her sites, encouraging everyone else to do the same, as the gurls tweeting back and forth so fast it was a blur of outrage; who was that bitch? when we find her gonna cut her mob mentality, gonna depart FF, as they referred to fanfiction, take our shit down!, until AmethystseaML called for sanity.

_Hold up! We gonna let some 'ho run us out of OUR hood?. Hell NO! Let's see how it goes down!_

They tweeted their mortification if the any of the DC cast read their stories, and if there was more exposure for their stories, would be a good or bad thing, what would it could mean? Then AmethystseaML started the hilarity with this tweet.

_WTF! Good Lord! Can ya see Mike Rowe readin' our shit! ATC: Andy is your schlong really that big?_

IrishCaptain tweeted she had spewed coffee all over her keyboard. Cez was laughing so hard her daughter was peeved she was drowning out her Harry Potter movie. One by one the gurls tweeted their LMAO!'s and other hysterical musings. It was a tweeting day for the record book.

Little did this coven of brilliant, talented and dirty minded, super-fans know, this was a day for the record book alright. . .for they had come to the attention of a equally brilliant and dirty-minded chick at Discovery who was gettin' ready to REALLY rock their worlds!


	2. Chapter 2

_**The ominous sound of *tiny stomping feet* forced me to pull this out of the vault. Short but I hope you like it! =:-) **_

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><p>Janet lounged in her boss's doorway with a sly smile. Thom Beers barely looked up from his computer screen and nodded her in. She pushed off the doorway and slumped in one of the club chairs in front of his massive desk and fanned herself with a sheaf of papers. As Tom put the finishing touches on a particularly scathing e-mail to the production chief on Deadliest Catch about fan complaints about the shitty production values and sound on the last season, Janet's fanning distracted him. 'Having a hot flash?' He muttered as he hit send.<p>

Janet purred. 'As you well know I ain't of menopausal age, so if I'm fanning it's because I'm hot. Real hot. As in I got something freakin' hot to tell you!'

Tom leaned back and looked at her. Janet was a brilliant executive producer. 'After The Catch' was her idea and she had fought for Mike Rowe to expand his voice-over duties to hosting the show. Mike's chemistry with the Captains and deckhands had proved a match made in heaven and the spin-off had been ratings gold from the first season.

'Got a pitch for ya Tom.' She continued to fan.

Tom exhaled and assumed his 'pitch' position and leaned back in his chair, eyes closed, hands clasped over his paunch. Tom liked Janet, especially her enthusiasm for the show, and her ever-fresh marketing ideas. 'Pitch me.'

Janet, who was a spin-meister extraordinaire, began to pitch him.

'Deadliest Catch cast interact with their fans. Not just fans, not uber-fans who can call a full vs. an empty pot before it hits the launcher, I'm talking about fans who write about them.' Tom cracked an eye.

'There a group of fans who have written, I don't know maybe hundreds of stories featuring the Captains and crews on a fan fiction site.'

Tom rights himself. 'Hey they can't fuckin' do that. That's infringing on our copyright!'

Janet chilled him. 'Relax they make it clear they don't own anything, not making any money, or squat, yadda, yadda '

'What are they writing.'

Her eyes drilled him. 'You heard of '50 Shades of Grey'?

Tom righted himself and bugged. 'Those Mommy porn books that are international bestsellers? Makin' mega-millions?' '

Janet slowly fanned again. 'Exactly! Know where that author started?' Tom gave her an impatient narrow look.

She exhaled and twisted a pout. 'Tom, she started on the same fan fiction site that these DC fans post their stories!'

'What are they writing.'

Knowing she was gonna rock his world she handed over the sheaf of papers she had been fanning with. 'Stuff like this.'

Tom gave her a level look, put on his readers, and plunged in. The title of the story was 'Who would Have Thought' and Janet had given him chapter 19 featuring Edgar Hansen and some chick named Marie. As Tom read his eyes got bigger and bigger, and his mouth dropped open. 'You gotta be kiddin' me!'

Janet squealed. 'Ooo whee! Hot stuff huh? And lots of it! Can you imagine the guys discussing these 'stories' from the fantasies of these women, not just from all over the country, but from around the world!'

Janet was bouncing in her chair. 'AND we get some of the authors face to face with the guys and let the fur fly!'

Tom laughed but shook his head. 'It would great television all right, but we could never do it on Discovery, you know we're a family network.'

That's when she again demonstrated her genius. 'Tom, please. That's where the pay-per-view deal with Playboy Channel comes in. Got a buddy over there, floated the concept and they're eager to hear more.'

Angela, Dawne, June, and Liz 

First IrishCaptain tweeted. _'Anybody else get a strange PM from greenminnow? PM me on FF!' _

Immediately IrishCaptain aka Angela's mail box started to chirp like a flock of sparrows had landed in her phone.

Amethystsea aka Dawne, was freakin' out. '_WTF! She works at Discovery on the freakin' show and wants to discuss a 'deal' that could be lucrative as well as make broadcast history! WTF!? _

Wildviolet aka June cut to the chase. '_Angela you gotta call her. She's in New York! Get the scoop. Fuck me twice! Find out if she's legit or WTF?! _

theysaytascrazy aka Liz was more than intrigued at 'lucrative'. '_Call her Angela! Find out if she's a freak or the real deal! _

Angela read the messages and being anything but the average girl, PM'd back that she would call the number this chick _greenminnow_ had put in her message and would PM again after she talked to her. The office was quiet, all the boys were either at lunch or out at some site. With a deep breath she dialed the number _greenminnow_ had asked them to call.

'Discovery Channel. How may I direct your call? ' A professional clipped voice answered. Angela quickly hung up her heart racing. Oi Vey! This might really be the real deal and not some bullshit. Taking a deep breath she redialed.

'Discovery Channel. How may I direct your call?'

'Janet Laneve please.' She croaked out.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Heehee! This one is goona drip, drip, drip out like Chinese water torture. Because the thought of facing the DC guys just SKEEVES me out like you would NOT believe. BUT, cause I loves ya's, and you have graced me with your encouragement, I will try and soldier on! Ya'll realize you ain't right. Right? LMFAO! =:-D **_

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><p>Angela was so freaked out after her call with Janet, she PM'd the crew and for the first time ever, they coordinated a conference call. When everyone was on the line she recounted the mind-blowing shit Janet had proposed. The deafening screams, shrieks, and squees caused her to snatch the Bluetooth from her ear and shout into it.<p>

'FFS you gonna deafen me! Bitch Up and stop all this fan-girly shit! This is serious business!'

And it was. The deal Janet had proposed was beyond mind-blowing. Gather together a select group of Deadliest Catch fan fiction writers and sit them down with the Captains and crew they wrote about in an open and frank discussion of their stories, and how and why the men inspired them.

'Oh Sweet Jesus!' Dawne moaned. 'I can't do this shit. Took me ten years and $100 grand in student loans to get my degrees and psychotherapist license. Anybody recognizes me and finks me out to the State Board they'll fuckin' revoke my license!

June agreed. 'Fuck me too! My freaky side gets out and I'll never work with kids again!'

Liz whimpered. 'My fiancé knows I write, but to see me in front of the whole freakin' world talking about why and how I wrote Josh smut will. . .'

Then her voice raised to soprano. 'OH SHIT! My Dad will totally FREAK!'

'You think my husband, #badboy won't go stupid ballistic?' Angela snorted.

They all sat in silence thinking about the horrors of being publicly outed and the consequences when Angela had to remind.

'She's offering us 4 percent of the gross pay-per-view take! And Janet has a marketing plan that is sure to bring in some big bucks!'

Oh Shit! They all groaned. Liz thought she could pay for the fantasy wedding of her dreams. June who was unemployed, imagined she could not only fund her epic Appalachian Trail hike but ensconce her precious Shay in a first class doggie hotel. Dawne hungered to cruise Alaska and the waterways of Europe. And Angela dreamed of owning and skippering another boat of her own.

Maria, whom Janet had requested be on the panel as she had written an epic Sig saga that almost two years later was just reaching conclusion, stroked her beloved rabbit Leon, her keen corporate fiscal mind figuring straight to the bottomline.

'4 percent! That's chickenfeed! We ain't gonna touch this deal for a centavo less than 25 percent! Final answer.'

'Really?' June brightened.

Liz moaned. '4 percent or 25 percent, doesn't matter. We'd be going ho/slut/freaky Kim Kardashian public!'

'Cept.' June reminded. 'We didn't actually _do_ 'em for real.'

Maria mused. 'But we who are married or 'bout to be to quote Jimmy Carter, 'Lusted in our hearts'.

'Waaaaaa!' They wailed.

'Shut up and stop whining!' Maria snorted as her fingers ran over her calculator. 'I'm running some numbers here.'

'Can you imagine?' Angela shivered. 'Janet wants to do video profiles on all of us, and then sit us down with guys, and have Mike Rowe moderate!'

June, The Smut Queen, slapped both hands to her face and wailed. 'I cannot and will not look Edgar Hansen in the eye and discuss the inspiration for the slave girl anal lube scene!'

Angela chocked out. 'That was Janet's f-f-favorite! WaHahahahah!'

The girls screamed and hooted like loons. When they finally calmed back down, Maria hit them with her projection.

'Here's the deal. 25 percent of the gross could, on the low side, net each of us $10 grand, on the high side $35 grand plus.'

They sat with that for a spell. Finally, Angela whispered.

'But our lives would never be that same. We'd be the Monica Lewinsky's of reality T.V.'

'Or nooooot. . .' Dawne softly murmured.

She was a fixer, always had been. The knottier the problem the more brilliant, or downright Machiavellian her solutions. And she thought she just might have a way for them to 'take the money and run' with their identities secure in iron-clad shrouds.


End file.
